When I act like a 2 year old.

I don't want to over spiritualize parenting, but one of the neatest things about it, to be honest, is getting to see the slightest glimpse of how God loves his children. The idea that as much as I love Sadie, God loves me 1000x more is mind blowing to me.

As we approach 2, Sadie and I have approximately 37 standoffs each week. Always quickly followed by lots of kisses naturally, but we have this same, 'I love you, but please don't tell me what to do ' attitude towards life. (come to think of it, I should probably stop saying this to my husband when she's around). In a lot of these confrontations, I see how often we go toe to toe with God and backpedal when we realize we are in over our heads.

The first time I saw this was when Sadie was about a year old. She just started walking and always wanted to step off the sidewalk at our condo BY HERSELF. I always offered a hand to hold and she shooed it away every time. She would wiggle and stammer until she was juuuust about ready to step off, always lurching for my hand at the last minute. I do this with God all the time.  When things are good and fine or when I'm determined to accomplish something, my attitude is 'I got it.' But then when I falter or become unsure, I'm grasping for His hand and His help.

I taught Sadie to say 'help!' when she starts getting frustrated trying to do something on her own. She says it more like 'hey-lp,' much to my southern delight.  Lately she likes to test the boundaries of what is safe. Ahh the baby doll stroller....putting my feet on the top of wheels seems like a good idea. Mom and Dad's, big fluffy white bed, I will stand on it and jump around. I spend a lot of time saying things like 'that's not safe' or 'let's make a different choice'--often to no avail. The poor choice is made and the aftermath is a resounding 'hey-lp,' or sometimes tears. How true this is of me again. God is there in the midst of our decision making whether we invite Him or not. His voice may say, 'make another choice' or 'that's not safe' and in the end we are crying for help.

I'm so glad to serve a God who is there to lend a hand and doesn't hold it against me when I call for help after the fact. I want to do more things with Him from the start, I want to stop struggling to do it all myself. I want to be the person I'm training up my daughter to be. I think God knows that and I love that He is using her to train me up too.